Random facts about me

What the title says. This is also a really short post compared to my others, I apologize.

  1. Things I am addicted to; salt-liquorice, cigarettes and this one certain person.
  2. Things that really annoy me; mosquitoes, people that walk really slow and take up the entire aisle in grocery-stores, when people lie and it makes things worse, when people use nerd-abbreviations when they could actually be using real English.
  3. Things that always make me feel better; watching How I Met Your Mother, having a cigarette, talking to someone that sort of understands me, fluffy things, good music.
  4. Things that make me feel guilty; when I do something I shouldn’t have on an impulse, when I say no though I know I am technically able to do something/attend something/say yes, omitting facts that I think I ought to tell someone, accepting gifts/favours.
  5. Things I think I know; I’m fluent in both Swedish and English, pretty good with herbology and Greek mythology, knitting, cooking, how to love unconditionally.
  6. Things I’m really bad at; pool, maths, lying, shutting off my brain, knowing when to stop, being quiet.
  7. Things I think I look good in; the colours green, teal, burgundy and white, boot-cut jeans, high-heels and flowing skirts.
  8. Things I wish I was better at; keeping in touch, not worrying, not feeling responsible, maths, French and making money.
  9. Things I wish I had more of right now; money, free time, cuddles, kittens.
  10. Things I do too often but shouldn’t; mix alcohol, smoke, tell people private facts about myself, stay up really late, cry.

Sound of the Week; crickets chirping in the late night. It’s a sound I haven’t heard in forever.

And for anyone who is interested, I did finish my list of things I wanted to do before I left St John’s. And it was beautiful.

Now, I’d like some random facts about all of you! Anything at all will suffice ūüôā

The Journey

It’s time for the story of how I spirited myself away from the people I love so much to the other people I love so much on this planet.

Leg 1

After tearful goodbyes for the last week, I was finally on the actual plane. I was sad yet excited. I can’t really explain the pain of tearing myself away from my life and the people I have been so close to for the past 3 years in order to join the other people whom I love and explore the world as a student. The first part of my flight was joined by Lorapope, we discussed the contents of the latest “Cosmo” magazine, it was fun ^^ It still hadn’t really hit me at that point, because you know I was still in Canada and the flight was only a little over an hour. I felt rather fine. Like I was taking the bus somewhere. I arrived in the sweltering heat at Halifax and me and Lora said our goodbye’s, she was heading on to go meet LENORE! YAAAAAY! Personally I stumbled out of the plane, retrieved my painfully heavy luggage (no, it wasn’t that heavy but it was heavy for me :p) and then proceeded to drag it around the airport in search for one of those modern smoking-booths with the fans in them you know? I didn’t find one so I went outside to a place that didn’t have non-smoking signs. Halfway through my cigarette a lady came out and said there was “no smoking on the upper level, you have to take the elevator down and turn right”. Of course I forgot the last part of directions, so I just went down and outside and sat down on the grass. I called Gerard with the last 10 dollars on my phone and then had to escape as angry wasps interrupted my second attempt at smoking. Well back inside I bought a 3 dollar ice-cream and sat down to play Mah-jong Titans on my computer. (My laptop is kind of big. It gets a lot of “that’s the biggest laptop I’ve ever seen” when I bring it out). Then I decided that 4 more hours of Mah-jong Titans on a dying battery wasn’t what I wanted to do in the Halifax airport so I went and bought “Paradise Lost” by John Milton and got through the first 50 pages. After much waiting and attempting to get the weird non-verse that is used in this book, I got on my second flight.

Leg 2

Halifax to Keflavik in Iceland. In the lineup outside the airplane while people were trying to get into their seats a little woman, who was probably from Thailand or those parts, commented on my sweater. She thought it looked really nice. I do too. My oldest brothers fianc√©e knitted it for me some years ago, I wore it when I got to Newfoundland and I wore it when I left ūüôā I sat next to a nice old couple and decided to watch Avatar since I’d never seen it before. I must say I really enjoyed it, even on the tiny shitty screen embedded in the seat in front of me I jumped and squirmed at the wonderful special effects. Foreseeable yes, bad no. Though I did mostly like flying with Iceland air I was unimpressed by how they missed our row while serving people and then took forever to bring us two glasses of juice. I started getting tired then but wasn’t nearly tired enough to sleep. When we landed it was raining. Gone was the streak of gorgeous weather that had followed me so far on this trip. They instantly security screened us upon exciting on the old French-Canadian woman who’d sat next to me mentioned how cold it was. I didn’t feel it. It was early morning and Iceland, what do you expect? On the flight the stewardess had announced through the speakers that “personnel on the ground will help you if you have a connecting flight”. The only help I got was this one guy who told me that arrivals and people with connecting flights had to go in the same direction. After that, I walked through the airport a bit paranoid, and decided that even though there was no one to ask all the signs pointed towards that the flight I thought I would be taking was the right one and that I didn’t have to check in and that my luggage would indeed go straight to Stockholm. But then…

Leg 3

Well all those things did happen. However, do you remember how I said I’d had a problem finding those smoking-booths in Halifax, and how there in fact where none there? Well, I started circling the airport with my 9 pound laptop over my shoulder (I told you it was big) and after walking around it 3 times I decided to my dismay that there were none here either. And I didn’t want to spend money on iffy food since I had gotten a Starbucks frappucino in Halifax. So I walked back towards the gate that would have my plane next to it in 2 hours, and broke down crying. It was very embarrassing because if anyone came up to me and asked what was wrong I’d just blubber out “is there a place to smoke anywhere?” But I guess it had finally occurred to me. I was no longer in Newfoundland. I wasn’t even in Canada. I was alone without help and with 2 hours and nothing to do and I hadn’t had a cigarette for a looong time by now and I missed all my friends and I missed Gerard and I was just so so sad. So after attempting to stop crying for a while I walked into the ladies and cried a bit there. Then I walked back and sat sadly in the same spot for a while. Then I walked to the ladies on the opposite side of the airport. And out of the corner of my eye I saw it. Gloriously double-doored and with an airflow from outside through barred walls. A smoking-area. A place where people with a stupid and self-inflicted addiction to making their health worse can go to do just that. And I was so happy. It was a little sign of acceptance in a big world of “you are alone”. I can’t even explain. So then I got on my flight after that and endured the American lady on my right talking to her husband across the aisle on my left while some young girl was doing her best to poke her feet through the seat-back of my chair, despite my best efforts at pushing her feet back. And then I finally landed in Sweden, and Daniel and Jessica and Anna were there, and they had flowers for me, and they brought me home and made me food, and Tilda came over, and we watched Sex and the City, and I finally got to sleep, and all was good.

What do you love about travelling? What are your pet peeves? Is there any place you’d like to go especially? What makes you feel alone and helpless?

Lists

First off, I would like to apologize for my current lack of blogging. There has just been – and still is – a lot going on in my little world, and so the time and energy to blog has remained un-present. I have a lot of things ahead of me, such as packing up 3 years of my life, giving away as much of it as possible and throwing out the rest. This morning I woke up at 8:30 when the door slammed. In a panic I scrambled for my phone “what time is it, did I oversleep?” and realised I don’t have to work today. Or tomorrow. Or the next. Yesterday was the last day at both of my jobs. I’m leaving in 5 days.

Sight of the Week; Half-buff guy with bit of manboob bouncing down the road in sneakers and a pair of spacious checkered blue boxers. It was painful yet magnificent to behold.

Quote of the Week; Sarah – “I would not eat or sleep, I would just f*** him. I would make a whole in my bladder so I wouldn’t have to get up to pee but just keep f****** him”. Said about Alexander Skarsg√•rd.

Now for what this post is actually about. Lists. In all shapes sizes and colours and what they’re good for and what they are not good for and why we have them.

Organising

I’m a sucker for organising with a list. I remember even as a kid, I’d have the chores down on a list so I could tick them off as they got done and feel the sense of accomplishment. (Mind you, for most kids that list would be “clean your room, feed the dog and stay out of trouble”. Mine was a little more extensive, like “feed all the animals, vacuum the entire house, then dust it and mop it, weed the garden, mow the lawn etc”. Yeah, you need a list for that kind of stuff!). It’s just something very relaxing to know that as long as you follow the guidelines on this list, everything that needs to be done will get done, and you will not be required to use brainpower to accomplish anything (unless the list includes solving¬†algorithms, in which case you are screwed, unless you know how to. I’m not even really sure what an¬†algorithm¬†is). Especially for grocery-shopping, 95% of the time there will be a list there, because usually I know the store well, and then the items can be listed in the order they will appear on my trajectory through the store, maximizing efficiency and time-saving. (Go using big words for grocery-shopping!) My most favourite list right now is linked here, because those are the things I would like to get done before I leave – that means within the next 5 days, so I don’t know if this is all going to happen. For anyone that is curious I have accomplished to do nr. 3, 5, 6, 7, 9 and 10.

In Your Head

You may not be aware of it, but you have millions of lists in your head. Not only the normal kind where you categorise animals and food-dishes and scents, but personal ones that are different from anyone¬†else’s. Likes and dislikes, top 10 memories, things that you are good at/suck at, how much you like certain people and in what way, what you are looking for and not looking for in a spouse… those lists are truly endless. Oh and hold on. You might not want to admit that you have lists about other people, but I would like to bet that you do. If you are telling me that you don’t analyse your feelings for others or play favourites then you are either bs-ing me or really lucky to have a mind that can work without differentiating. Personally, I have so many internal lists. List of “things I totally should not have done but did anyway and now I’m going to pick on that soul-scab for the rest of my life”. List of “really wonderful moments in my life where I felt so good it was unreal”. List of “people I will always love and trust and enjoy being around no matter what”. That last list is kind of short. I’m not going to write that one down for you here because some people might get offended by not being on that list. I love a lot of people but also trusting and enjoying being around these people at all times no matter what, that is a difficult list to get on.

Temporary

These lists occur most often to me. They are tiny to-do lists, stored away in my phone or brain, that require doing rather immediately. They can be actions, things, people, whatever. It’s pretty much a little agenda for the day. For instance, mine today looks something like this;

  1. Find out if Swedish banks accept Canadian checks
  2. Go back to bed
  3. Get up and have a shower
  4. Deposit my last pay-check from Booster Juice
  5. Clean the house
  6. Test-pack my backpack to find out if everything I want with me is going to fit
  7. Continue reading the last of “Dune” so that is done before I leave
  8. Have at something fun with other people

So now I’m going to go do all those things, because I’m really tired but I want to know if I can deposit pay-checks into my Swedish account so first things first. Before I leave you, what in your life do you make lists about? What do your lists look like? Do you also find you have those secret mental lists concerning other people?

That tranquil place…

This post is about peace. I’m not talking about “war is bad” kind of peace, even though I’m all for that kind too. I’m talking about peace of mind, finding peace with yourself and who you are and being able to spend a moment with yourself and not feel like you want to rip your ears off. As always, input is more than welcome.

 

The Place.

To me, what place I am currently in greatly affects my mood. I can’t find peace in a place that has no semblance of it. Of course with the right tools – like a cup of tea, a cigarette or a book – peace can be achieved even in a crowded shopping-mall or next to a soccer-game. But ultimately, the right place is the greatest catalyst for peace for me. Often times I will look for such things as quiet, trees, out of the wind, not a lot of people, warm with a beautiful view over the ocean or maybe just hills. If I have found a nice place that is where I will return in times of dire need. Secure these places and treasure them, because the intrusion of others on this place might affect the way you feel about it.

The People.

I cannot stress this enough. I think we all know that around certain people in our lives, we get uncomfortable, stressed, scared or even just plain angry. There are individuals that trigger some unconscious response in us, making it more than impossible to feel at ease or good about anything when they are around. Sometimes we ourselves are at fault; there might have been a bad experience in our past involving this person which then gets brought up every time we see them. We might have been perfectly fine with their presence if that event had never come to pass. And sometimes we are just plain judgemental and decide that we do not like someone simply based on their clothes or tone of voice or their opinions. But for me the true peace-disturber just has something in their very essence, an air of something aggressive and negative that will not leave you alone and no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to find a sense of calmness around this person.

Atmosphere.

I might have brushed up against this part in “the place”, but an atmosphere is a different thing. Have you ever walked into a house and just felt a sense of wrongness all of a sudden for no reason? Like you know the place is really nice and the people living there are ok but there’s just something about the place that gives you the heebe-jeebees? That is what I mean with atmosphere. Sometimes it is caused by several people around you, sometimes the weather, a scent, a certain colour… it could be anything that will throw you off completely and make you ill at ease. Avoid these places best as you can. No alteration in that area will probably ever change the feeling you get when you enter it. It’s just something that does not resound with your level of being, and there’s no point fighting it.

Yourself.

This is of course always the main cause for unrest. If you are not at peace with yourself, you can’t find peace. It often results in sleepless tossing and turning at night, a constant feeling of exhaustion, too many thoughts in your head not able to escape or be fully processed. Finding peace with yourself is probably the most difficult thing you can have a go at, because it doesn’t matter where you are or who you are with, you can’t change what goes on inside your brain. Reminding yourself of good things is always a safe place to go. Thinking about things you enjoy, people you love, experiences you’ve revelled in. Or just reminding yourself of your own good sides and strengths. I will also stick to that if you focus enough on your breathing, something is bound to happen eventually. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to enjoy the silence of your own mind.

What makes you feel peaceful? What bothers you like nothing else? Where do you go in your head to calm your nerves?

Overindulgence

Is that a real word? Hmmm. I think so. Overindulgence. Yup, spell-check doesn’t say no. Ok. So that’s what this post is about. Randomly.

 

Addiction for instance. I find the one leads to the other. You have to, at some point or some level, be addicted to something in order to then overindulge in it. Or just be really good at it, and get carried away, and overindulge. It’s like when you catch a whiff of something amazing so you keep sniffing until you get sick from it. Overindulging in a scent. Or get a feeling and just keep feeling it because it’s so good, until you get exhausted. So I don’t think overindulgence is only food and drink and drugs and such, I think it can exist on many planes. Even freedom or a hot bath can be good causes for such behaviour, and can lead to the dangerous effects of overindulgence.

Because whenever I get too much of something good I find that I either get; a hangover, a sore throat, a way bloated and stuffed feeling, pain all over, exhaustion etc. So when they say you can never get too much of a good thing, they’re lying, and don’t listen to them. Whoever they are.

Things I have overindulged in of late;

  • Alcohol (and mixing the drinks too, which is so much worse)
  • Smoking
  • Not eating
  • Love
  • Guilt
  • Sun
  • Thoughts
  • Flowers
  • Lack of sleep
  • Killing time
  • Worrying
  • Reading
  • Blogs

Wait a second blogs isn’t a word? How about blog’s? Blogs’? Bloggs? WTF! I’m doing something that doesn’t exist! That is so awesome! Like levitating or being invisible or something!

Anyways, overindulging can be depriving yourself of things too, (like eating or sleep) because then you are overindulging  in the lack of something. If that makes any sense at all.

Things I would like to be overindulging in right now;

  • Relaxation
  • Alone-time
  • Roller coasters
  • Fireworks
  • Italian food
  • Stars
  • Cleaning
  • Sleep

 

I have this crazy tendency to only be able to exist on one end of the spectrum at the one time. Either I have a lot of something or nothing at all. I like extremes, and I do not enjoy staying in the middle of the road. Though sometimes extremes can be really unhealthy. But I don’t care because we only live once.

I apologize for how weird this post looks and how random and ranty and irate it is. And short, too. Now what do you like to overindulge in/what are you currently overindulging in in your life?

Of Love

I’m sorry I haven’t written in what seems like forever to me. It’s just that I have been sick, on so many levels, with a cold and just feeling like a really bad person, so that has sort of stopped me from writing anything. I’m getting over the cold and have come to accept the fact that I also¬†do horrible things and I’m just going to have to live with that. Also, sorry for being so damn depressing. I hope it’s ok. Now I know lots of people will have lots to say about the subject in this post. And you might very well not agree with me. Or maybe feel the urge to share a story of your own. Whichever it might be, please do comment. Because we can’t escape the impact of this emotion on our lives. This post is about Love.¬†

Unrequited Love.

This one isn’t as bad as it may seem. Because despite the private heartbreak and that flutter of butterfly wings every time you see the person, you also get to imagine all the awesome things. You don’t know if you’ll never work out because you never try. You can idolize¬†and make this person bigger than life itself and it doesn’t cost you anything. The only heartbreak you get is if they get with someone else, which is not half as bad as if you had started dating them. And you can always pretend that you are getting hints from the person that they like you to. A smile, a wave, oh my you actually like the same things how weird is that? But in the end, unrequited love is not love. Love has to be mutual. It has to be.

Falling in Love.

In my own experience, this is usually the best part of a relationship. You discover all these wonderful things about each other, you try new things, learn new things, start to trust and understand someone on a whole new level. Just being able to look into that persons eyes and see unprotected, naked love shining right back at you as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. The highs are always very high and the lows are next to non-existent. This is of course the most vulnerable part of love, because it’s scary to give that much of yourself to another human. It’s scary to share things and hope that the other doesn’t judge you or use you. But freely given and freely received, falling in love is such a beautiful experience.

Being in Love.

Being in a relationship can be rather nerve-wrecking at first. There are all these new rules and boundaries, you have no idea what might upset or disgust your partner. You have no idea if you should even REFER to them as a partner yet! But still, after all the tip-toeing and confusion, this is to me the part that love is all about. Sharing your life with another person and not going nuts because they are there more often than not is a great achievement in someone’s life. Just the joy when you wake up next to that person or curl into their arms at night, when they’re sitting across from you at the breakfast table or your eyes lock across a crowded room, when they send a cute text on your lunch-break or leaves you a note when they’re home… it’s a bond that can’t be replicated. Each relationship is so unique, based on all the intricacies of these two people, and the greater web it becomes when they decided to share their lives.¬†

Break-up; the Let Down.

I hate this part. I don’t really know what to say. No matter what you do, everyone gets hurt, there are no good answers, not enough ways to say you are sorry. There is no way to make it through pain-free. If you somehow come out the other side perfectly prepared to stay friends and with no hard feelings or regrets, you are lucky. And despite what you may both say, in 99% of the cases, you will always have scraps of feelings left for that person. They will sneak themselves upon you like tigers in the jungle and pounce when you have your guard down. Now the tiger you might be able to kick in the nuts. But how do you protect yourself from feelings? The bitter-sweet memories clouding your judgement? The dawning sensation that this most likely will never ever happen again and you made the biggest mistake? If you make it through a break-up and come out clean and contented on the other side, I salute you.

Ranting II

It’s 11:30am yet I want to go right back to bed and never get up again. I am pretty darn hung over, my feet feel very dry and I have a beautiful scar on my elbow from last night. Among many things of late I have;

  1. Been working a lot. A little over 40 hours every week. I’ve been working so much that the other day I was an hour late for work, not because I slept in but because my boss once again changed the schedule without telling me and so I found myself running only to get there and discover that it was dead. Ironically this was the first hot and sunny day in forever, and I don’t have any sunglasses since they were stepped on. Running to work. Yay. To top it all off this little girl turned to the man walking at her side and asked, loudly enough for me to hear as I was frantically trying to reach the stop-light in time to cross; “Why is she running daddy?” I didn’t hear his reply. Oh wait, this happened yesterday, which leads me to…
  2. Losing track of time. I constantly keep forgetting what the date is, what the weekday is, how long ago I did something/anything, things that happened the other day seem months away and things that happened years ago start drifting back up to the surface. This is something I’ve been doing more of late than I used to, possibly because I’ve been sleeping a lot less than I’ve been working. But I didn’t lose track of time when I…
  3. Stood in a Sobeys lineup for about 40 minutes at 11 last night. (For English friend, Sobeys is like Tesco. And then there’s another place here called Dominion which is like Sainsburys. Yes, I have lived in the U.K). Because I’m going to one or possibly two BBQ’s today and so I of course wanted to get some food, which I wouldn’t be able to today because it’s Canada-day so everything will be closed, which is also why the lineups were so huge. The worst part was when I was the next person in line to get served at the check-out (finally! oh joy!) and the cashier put up the “Another check-out is ready to serve you sign” upon which I with a broken spirit turned around and slowly made my way to the back of another, much longer lineup, only to find that the original lineup was indeed going to serve everyone in line and the cashier just failed to inform me of that. Of course no-one thought to go “hey, you girl who was in front of line. you nice. you go back to your place and get home sooner. we nice”. At which point I…
  4. Cried. A little, and in secret, but still, I was pathetically crying in a Sobeys lineup at about 11:15 last night. I have been crying quite a lot of late, I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional about everything, but I would like to blame it on my lack of sleep and my life gradually turning upside down. Sometimes a good cry just clears your system and your head. Which is why I did a bit of self-inflicted crying by watching “P.S I love you” about 2 weeks ago. I didn’t cry as much as I did the first time around but still, it was decent. Also I’m pretty sure I didn’t cry when I fell down and hit my elbow last night. I don’t really remember but I’m pretty pain-resistant so I probably just said something foul and got on with it. With the crying comes other things like…
  5. Figuring things out. In fact, to the point where I made a list. Once again with the wonderful support and consideration – not to mention pen to paper action – of my friend Sarah, magic happened. Here‘s a link to a post where she took a picture of me holding this list. I am hoping to complete as much of it as possible before I leave. Oh and speaking of this, another thing I’ve done a lot of late is…
  6. Hanging with wonderful people. The above mentioned lovely lady, and my friend french Phil, and my room-mate and sausage-friend Molly – both of whom I went to see X-men with, only I went to see it for the second time, but it was just as awesome as the first. And I think you would all like it if you went to see it. Just saying – and just a bunch of awesome people. Friends make life better, always. Well maybe not always always but most of the time ūüôā I’m sure right now friends would even make this splitting headache better! But instead I’m just going to go back to bed. And sleep for like, forever. And then get up and make potato-salad. In that order. Ok, I’ll see you with potato-salad after forever.