Beware these 10 Types of Feminist Women

Dear blogworld,

This made it across my facebook-feed this morning, and the subsequent frustration with the post was enough to wake me up entirely.

Never mind the constant tendency for gender feminists to attack men whether said men are for or against actual feminism (equity feminism). Never mind how gender feminists always add to the already vast gulf between “men” and “women”, trying to widen it and generate these two “factions” with their every contribution to the gender-discourse.

What made me truly angry was the unintentional irony of the piece. There was, for instance, the delightful paradox of the following:

7. Beware Male Feminists Who Resort to Toxic Communication Patterns Because It Benefits Them

Beware men who place a premium on sharing your feelings and thoughts – because that’s “communication” – but don’t share any of theirs.

Beware men who dump their emotions on you and pretend that their “vulnerability” (in asking you to bear their burden) is a feminist act.

Basically, beware men who try to be sympathetic and unselfish by listening to your feelings and thoughts, but if they DO share their feelings and thoughts, then that’s “dumping their emotions on you”. This is a classic example of

1. Beware Female Feminists who turn any male action into a negative action

Beware female feminists who interpret ANYTHING a man does as negative.

Are you complimenting her looks? You are trying to control her. In fact, you are trying to undermine her self-confidence, and indicating that she should care about your opinion of how she looks.

Are you not complimenting her looks? You are trying to control her. In fact, you are trying to undermine her self-confidence, and indicating that she should care about your opinion of how she looks.

2. Beware Female Feminists who disregard men’s emotions

Beware female feminists who feel that, while men should take women’s emotions and feelings very seriously – and somehow manage to not ask them about them and ask them about them at the same time, apparently – men’s emotions are irrelevant. They will quickly lodge an insult against a man/men in general as a “harmless joke”, and when pulled up on this, resort to “male privilege” or “years of oppression” as a reason why it is all right for a woman to be verbally/mentally abusive toward a man, but not the other way around. This type of feminist will generally hold all men responsible for the actions of any other man, or their ancestors. If all else fails, this feminist will excuse her insults and aggressions with how much worse women have it, as if that somehow makes anything happening to men less bad. So you lost your leg? Well that woman over there is dying of cancer. Stop whining.

3. Beware Female Feminists who express opinions about other women’s clothes/appearance

Beware female feminists who express ANY opinion about the way other women look. This wonderful cartoon sums it up. This also applies to female feminists who comment, positively or negatively, on other women’s makeup choices, whether they choose to wear heels or not, how they wear their hair etc. If men do not get to comment on women’s appearance without it being oppression, women do not get to comment on women’s appearance without it being oppression.

(OR men’s appearance, for that matter. Can you imagine men commenting on a gender-swapped version of the facebook-post below along the lines of: “Women with glitter-roots: yes or no?” Yeah, talk about oppression. But not when women do it to men.)

beardsyesno

4. Beware Female Feminists who try to control you sexually

Beware female feminists who feel that a relationship is all about the man pleasing the woman sexually, them only having sex when the woman wants it, and that the man more or less has to get a consent-form signed from the woman to ensure that he hasn’t misinterpreted her interest, while a woman having sex with a man in his sleep is funny, or a woman stopping a burglar and then raping him is hilarious.

These female feminists always consider pornography to be oppressive/derogatory toward women, but in their world only men watch pornography/pornography is only made for men, so if you enjoy watching pornography you are a) a man, and b) contributing to female oppression. If you are, against all odds, a WOMAN watching pornography, that’s because you are liberating yourself and anyway, men have done it for thousands of years, so that excuses everything. Good for you, girl.

Oh, and did I mention that though the sex is all about the woman/when the woman wants it, the man should somehow know what/when this is? And whilst it is perfectly fine for a woman not to want to have sex, if a man doesn’t want to have sex, it is an insult to the woman’s physique, and another attempt to undermine her self-confidence.

5. Beware Female Feminists who try to dictate what you should do with your life

Beware female feminists who indicate that it’s not all right to be a stay-at-home mum, as in their world, all women should want a career. Beware female feminists who at the same time expect you to be a stay-at-home mum, as sending your children to day-care “too soon” or getting a nanny will apparently destroy your children’s lives forever. Often, these same female feminists will fight for the right to breast-feed in public, and confuse it with some unspoken obligation to breast-feed, making women who choose to formula-feed, or NOT to breast-feed in public, feel like bad mothers. Beware female feminists who fight for girls and women to get better education, but do not care about boys suffering in education. Beware female feminists who consider girls wearing blue, playing with cars, or wanting to become scientists as something positive, but pink, dolls, and ballet as something negative, and who do not care what boys wear/play with/want to become.

6. Beware Female Feminists who make fun of men’s intelligence/appearance

Beware female feminists who happily make fun of their male friends’, relatives’, or other halves’ appearance or intelligence,  but would consider the same comment made by a man to a woman as incredibly sexist and oppressive. Beware female feminists who laughingly insult the men around them, but consider any comment made by a man regarding a woman’s intelligence or appearance to be an insult, no matter how it is worded or meant.

7. Beware Female Feminists who say every societal problem is caused by “the patriarchy” or men in general

Beware female feminists who blame any evil in the world on men, even those that affect men negatively. If women have eating disorders, that’s because men have made them feel obsessed with their looks. If male suicide is way higher than female suicide, that’s because the patriarchy make men feel inadequate as men. If there aren’t as many female leaders/directors in the world as male, it’s because the patriarchy stops women from getting these positions. If men fail at work or in school, it’s because other men are creating a competitive environment and not being supportive.

8. Beware Female Feminists who work with/endorse what they claim to hate

Beware female feminists who work within pornography, stripping, modelling, fashion, makeup, or other sectors which are generally perceived to embody the male oppression/objectification of the female body. These female feminists will often portray their own part in these trades as “liberating, taking back our space, changing the system from the inside” etc., while men who work in these industries are always attempting to oppress or objectify women. While the big evil corporations, always owned by the patriarchy, attempt to make girls feel bad about themselves through unrealistically thin models, that same female model on the billboard can be a powerful icon and role-model for those girls. It’s never women’s fault for perpetuating these stereotypes, as women are actually being controlled by “society and advertising”.

 

9. Beware Female Feminists who always defend women, and criticise men

Beware female feminists who will immediately jump to a lengthy defense of other women’s opinions, even if those are violent and negative toward men, but would find the same opinions expressed by a man internet abuse. Tasteless jokes which would never have been acceptable from a man are perfectly fine if they’re about men, from a woman. If a woman dumps a man, it’s because he’s an a**hole. If a man dumps a woman, it’s because he’s an a**hole. If a woman has a full-time job and sees her children a few hours a week, she’s strong, and going against “societal norms”, which is a good thing. If a man does it, he’s a selfish pig, forcing his poor wife to stay at home, and distancing himself from his children, who will “grow up without a father”. If a man calls himself a feminist, he probably has ulterior motives, and still just wants to oppress women, same as other men. If a woman does, it’s because she’s a good person who believes in fighting for women’s rights.

10. Beware Female Feminists who turn rational discussions into personal attacks

Beware female feminists who will turn healthy debates where you disagree with their views into personal attacks, where you are called out for oppressing them, silencing them, misrepresenting feminism, verbally raping them, or any number of terms that can be used to shut down an argument. These same female feminists will often start attacking you personally, saying your opinions are invalid because you are a man/white/cis, and things along the lines of how this is “typical” for men, how men “feel threatened” by empowered women, how the phrase “not all men” is somehow offensive rather than true, and in the end, anything you say that is not in complete agreement with these female feminists views will be portrayed as you supporting rape or female oppression etc.

 

To sum it up: beware female feminists who constantly uphold double standards for men and women; who believe that the evils of the world are all because of men and none because of women; who attempt to control the men and women around them but claim that men are constantly trying to control women; and who write long posts like “Beware These 10 Types of Feminist Men”. 

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Flip it over

Dear readers,

I promise my next post I’ll change it up and focus on pseudoscience or religion, or maybe a bit of both. But I saw something on social media today that reminded me how badly I’ve wanted to write this post, and how important I think it is.

With one simple exercise, you can find out whether something you’ve just heard/read/witnessed is sexist: flip it over.

To use my experience from earlier today as an example, I saw a post on social media that roughly* said this:

“Two Asian women in the 50s-60s are walking around Old Town in Stockholm, Sweden, wearing t-shirts that say ‘I ❤ Swedish Boys’. 😀 :)”

Did I think about this? Nope. Did I look at it twice before I scrolled by? Uh-uh. But a moment later, another person’s comment made me stop and stare.

“I was about to like on this, and then I thought: if this had said “I just saw two Swedish men in the 50s-60s walking around Bangkok wearing t-shirts that said ‘I ❤ Asian Girls’,” would I have liked on it? :)”

I kicked myself a bit: why didn’t I think of that? So I agreed, and the original poster responded saying that would have been entirely different, as one example would have been oppression, and the other was just two female tourists having a good time. But I disagree, wholeheartedly. If this behaviour is perceived as creepy and sexist when a man does it, why is it fine for a woman to do it?

It made me relate an anecdote that stuck in my brain: a few years back, Måns Zelmerlöv, who won the Eurovision Song Contest two years ago, but back then was but a Swedish Idol participant who’d ended up performing on cruise-ships, spoke in an article about how common it was for middle-aged women to come up to him on the cruises and squeeze his butt. He said how awkward and uncomfortable it was. Now, if we flipped it over here, we would immediately see how sexist and creepy this is. But when we excuse women for this behaviour, we do two things:

 

  1. We create a double standard. We say that while some behaviour is unacceptable from a man, it’s perfectly fine if a woman does it. Say, hitting someone else. Or grabbing their behind. Or criticising the looks of someone of the opposite sex. These are things that, when women do them, get shrugged off, but when men do them are horrendous and unbelievably sexist. These are double standards that would perhaps be expected in the outdated world where men were allowed to behave like d*cks and women weren’t. But if we’re actually attempting to create a world where men and women are treated equally, we should not allow one sex to get away with the behaviour that we don’t allow the other sex to get away with.
  2. We are derogatory toward women. We say that when women do something it’s cute, it’s funny, it’s not to be taken seriously. “They’re probably kidding. They don’t mean it. They’re harmless. It’s not as if they could do anything anyway.” We say that we don’t think women are capable of violence, of sexual dominance or abuse, or of inappropriate and insulting behaviour toward the opposite sex. We dismiss women. And I am a woman who never wants to be dismissed as “harmless” or “not to be taken seriously”. I get really angry when people disregard my opinions or actions because of my gender. So why do so many women seem to enjoy this form of positive discrimination when it comes to women behaving like d*icks?

 

A few years ago, my husband had his behind grabbed by a lady  who was chatting to him in the post-office queue. In England, the land of politeness. It’s not the first time he’s had his behind pinched by a woman, but he remembers it better than the others as it’s the most recent one. I happen to be lucky enough that no stranger has ever grabbed my ass, or touched me inappropriately at all. Not on the street, or in a bar, or a night-club, and certainly not in the post-office. But where my husband’s only action against this was to tell me about it years later, and tell facebook about it at the time, a woman in the same situation might have screamed, she could probably have called for security, she could at least have stepped away from the man, slapped him, even been defended by other men or women in the queue. What does a man do in this situation? It was only a woman. It’s not like a big strong man can’t defend himself. Of course, men aren’t allowed to hit women, but you know, it was harmless fun, come on, he should just let it go.

I would have been appalled, disgusted, outraged, if some man tried to grab my ass in the post-office queue, or anywhere else for that matter. But that’s the difference, that’s what we’re perpetuating.

I was reminded today of just how often we let these things pass us by, how often we don’t see what’s wrong before someone goes “There. Look. Right there.” The important thing to remember is: next time you read/hear/witness an event, whether it pertains to race or gender, hit the pause button and ask yourself

Would this be okay if I flipped it over?

 

 

 

*The original social media post and comments were in Swedish, and so this is a translation of my recollection of the post. It has the same content and wording, but in a different language, and not verbatim.