Headache and Euphoria

I’m currently sitting here, looking for words that won’t come to me. Oh make no mistake, they are in my head, but they just keep swirling around and become impossible to grip from the sheer force of gravitational pull in the centrifuge that my grey matter has turned into. My life has been a mess of busy, busy, busy, tired, in love, busy, in love, tired, busy, busy, tired, in love, busy… for the past two months or so. I’ve been catching up with my high school grades so I could get into university (it’s a complicated story of how I have grades but they’re not from the country where I want to go to school now, so processing and translation slowed everything down and I had to read up while waiting for a result), so 3 courses in the space of 9 weeks kept me rather busy. Yet there was still time to spend with the man in my life. Did you notice how when you love people a lot making time for them isn’t that difficult? So time there was. And all that time has been an adventure. When even having a conversation with someone feels like you’re riding a roller-coaster life just becomes kind of amazing. To top it off, a close relative of mine had a new and very tiny arrival just today, and this has finally pressed me to return to the blogging world. Because when someone shares such a joy with you, and you feel their joy, you just want to spread that joy throughout the world, and make everyone see the little miracle that has come to live with us. I can’t tell you the elation and happiness I feel right this moment, at the existence of a brand-new little life that will forever be part of mine. So after jumping around for a few hours and screaming with glee, and after many phone-conversations and text-messages with relatives and my love, I’m here, writing as I’m listening to a little playlist I named “joy” on Spotify. If you feel like listening to it and seeing if it makes you feel the joy I’m feeling, here are the songs and artists.

You Are The Best Thing – Ray LaMontagne

New Shoes – Paolo Nutini

Don’t You Evah – Spoon

Fidelity – Regina Spektor (playing in my ears right this moment)

I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

A New Day Has Come – Céline Dion

Do You Remember – Jack Johnson

Love You Madly – Cake

How Sweet It Is – Marvin Gaye

I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl – Nina Simone

New York, New York – Frank Sinatra

On The Sunny Side Of The Street – Billie Holiday

Yes, it is a weird mix, but so am I. You find me sitting here through heavy eyelids, headache, euphoria and this deep, all encompassing joy. I hope you will find me here a lot more often during the next few months, but don’t count on it, because I’m doing a summer-course at university. I just wanted to say hi to you all. Hi.



First off I would like to apologize to anyone that still reads this blog. My latest absence has been inexcusable. I haven’t even been particularly busy! But you know when you keep looking at your page and you just can’t muster the will, the energy, the guts to write another post? That’s where I’ve been. Also, there has been more of a social life in my current situation than I’ve had in a while. Excuses aside, here’s another post. I’m going to talk about that magical, mystical “it” and the difference places in which it appears.

The One

Maybe you are in love, maybe you have been, maybe you will be soon. But did it occur to you that with love, past the attraction and all the logical reasons why you like someone, there’s that “it”? That “love at first sight” factor, which many discard as mere attraction, or a desperate need to find a soul-mate? I have a firm, deep-seeded belief that there is an “it” that makes some people stand out more to us than most. And it’s not just with romantic love. Sometimes you see a stranger at the platform waiting for the train, or in the grocery store, or on the dance-floor. It doesn’t matter where, even if you see this person out of the corner of your eye, you get a tingly, strange sensation that tells you there is something special about this person. Something that draws you to them, that makes you want to get to know them, that makes getting to know them a little easier, almost like it’s natural that you should. I am a firm believer in this kind of “it”, it’s happened to me a few times. If you get a chance to talk to the “it” people, it usually results in good friends, great relationships or just a very exhilarating conversation that leaves you blown away for the rest of the day.

The Artist

Some of them just have “it”. You might be looking at some disgusting modernistic painting that you would usually hate to the point of using it as a makeshift litter-box for your cats, or giving it away to your dearest enemy, but in this particular case you find yourself liking it. You don’t know why. The painting is garish, disturbing, clumsy, and yet there’s something about it which appeals to you. Or maybe you turned on the radio in the car on your way to work and caught yourself bouncing around on the seat to some new, technoish beat that you’d rather die before admitting, even to yourself, that you like it. But there you have it. Some artwork just has “it”, usually because the creator does. There are some patterns too deeply ingrained into our ancient brain-systems to even comprehend. But for some reason certain things just appeal to us, and we can’t stop them from doing so any more than you can stop the rain from falling on your newly straightened hair. We will often refer to these songs or works of arts as “guilty pleasures” – if we even mention liking them around someone – but what is wrong with liking something because it’s considered too popular, too tacky, too wrong in some way or other? Chances are you can’t help liking it, because to you, it has the “it” factor.

The Moment

Time being an object can certainly be debatable. I still consider time to be the fourth dimension. If we can move along a timeline, it stands to reason that there is such a thing. Without time everything would be at a standstill. At absolute zero even time freezes. So for me, a certain moment can be a thing all of its own. Moments are very complex though. Consider the myriad of things that you experience in a single moment; your surroundings with their objects, sounds, smells, the light, the temperature, then the people around you, if they are talking, what are they talking about, how does that make you feel, what are you sitting on, or standing on, or lying on for that matter, whatever you were thinking about, tasting, the music you hear… there will be moments where you get filled up by such a strange sensation, like you couldn’t be more alive, like you are bursting with pain, joy, energy, all at once, and like you want to stay there always. To me, that is an “it” moment. I treasure them and stow them away in my head. For the hard times.

Defining the It

I would like to know if you can do that for me. Because maybe you are of the persuasion that the “it” is merely a combination of several different factors, and the “it” doesn’t actually exist. But for me, sometimes the reason you feel something can’t be explained. Try as I may, I believe that there are “it”s out there, and that there will be many more, and that there is something that sets them aside from just being happy, or just getting along with someone, or just liking something for… well, whatever reason you may want to come up with. But then tell me if you think I’m wrong, and explain the “it” to me, if you’d be so kind. Or maybe you’d like to share an “it”-moment, or talk about when you met an “it”-person? I’d love to hear about it.