Here Comes the Bride… (And who’s that? Oh. It’s just her shrink).

It is now a few hours less than 8 days  till my surname changes forever. In other words, I will be a married woman, and I am aware that I do not HAVE to change my name, and that I can change back to my “nee” at any moment… but since it is a voluntary action, I do not think we have to argue any further.

My wonderful husband-to-be is none other than a fellow WordPresser. In fact, we met through our respective blogs. It was far from intentional: he read an early blog of mine, he liked what he read, I read his blog, likewise, and a friendly exchange between bloggers began. To be honest, it never even entered my head that we could have any kind of romance ahead in our mutual future, nor that we would ever meet, or even speak outside of the “Leave a Comment” section on the other’s blog.

Ha ha ha.

Well, here we stand today… or rather, in 13 days and a few hours time. Since I will be going on and on about how we met and who we are and all the romantic stuff for several posts ahead, I would like to make this post one of caution… and no. I am not telling people not to get married. Duh. What? I’M getting married for crying out loud! I would never lecture people on that. No. I am instead going to make a weak attempt at being of help to other future brides out there, by listing a few things I didn’t really think about before the wedding, and which have come back to bite me in my more sensitive parts as the day draws near. These are:

1. People.

You may think that it is very obvious exactly who you want to attend your wedding, and who you’d never want to share your special day. Fair enough. To me, it seemed an easy enough question… and then POOF! Out of the blue, I certainly started thinking “how do these people get along? will that person get hurt if I invite him but not her? will these people want to sit together, or apart? is it too long ago that I saw that person to invite them? I know this person will say no, but should I invite them anyway, because it’s the right thing to do?” and hey presto! Your head is suddenly spinning with what-ifs and whose-its. So my number one recommendation is take time to THINK! You may end up not having invited some people that you in hindsight would really like to be there, or inviting some people out of guilt that you regret inviting once you think about the food and drink you’ll be treating them to… so stop to think. Take your time. You’re only getting married once (well, I am. If you’re undecided, maybe it’s not so important. Then you can forget about this one and move on).

2. Theme.

Now, I’m one of those wondrously naive people who can say stuff like “I don’t really care what it looks like/I never really thought about it/I’m sure it will all work out in the end” about things such as decor, venue, general theme of the wedding etc. *stifled laughter*. Mhm. Here’s the thing. Even if you, like me, haven’t spent your entire life planning your wedding-day into the tiniest and minutest of details, all of a sudden things which didn’t seem that important will take on a magnitude that the Sphinx can’t really compare to. So try not to sit there like me, a few days before the wedding, hoping you will be able to find something green in the wild to decorate the room with, that won’t whither and die within two second of being picked. And if you were wondering, yes, it will be important to get those specific candle-holders. Trust me on this. This wedding is stupidly simple, low-budget and laid-back… and the details are still hurting my brain.

3. Expense.

Think about that for a second. If you have a certain dream-wedding in mind, you will definitely want to think about the budget before you pick a date. And once you have thought about the budget, think about it some more. Try to come up with more possible expenses. We have already had multiple: my dress, which was only going to cost me £162 (custom-sown, ordered on the internet, including transport) ended up costing me another £78… in customs. This is a cost that many sites will conveniently forget to mention when you order, so you’ll have to look up possible customs expenses when you order from out-of-borders by yourself. Because when you are already hard up for wedding-funds, an unforeseen £78 is not what you want to have to pay.  We also have to pay extra for the ceremony, which would otherwise have been free, because our officiator is from a municipality not our own. And a cravatt can be much more expensive than you think. So sit down, think about the cost down to the nitty gritty details, and then add extra money (a lot of extra money) for the “in case” fund. Because there will be “I never thought about that” expenses.

4. Help from your friends.

My friends and family-members, and family-members-to-be, are truly wonderful people. If you are arranging a wedding where you are doing basically EVERYTHING yourselves, you will probably need to ask some people for help. Think about who to ask for what. Some people will gladly help you cook or set tables, whereas some may feel a bit insulted. Some you can trust with carrying those rings and getting your grandmother home safely, and some you can’t trust with pouring welcome-drinks. Asking for help can be difficult, and it is, for me. If you are worried about stepping on toes, try to gauge who actually would like to help, and who would just say “yes” to be polite. Just try to keep a nice balance on things: you don’t want to have a guest of yours working their a** off all day, but you don’t want to be standing there doing dishes and carrying chairs either.

5. Traditiooooooons. Traditions. TRADITIONS!

Today, quirky and modern is becoming increasingly popular. The bride shall carry the groom across the threshold, the mother will give her away and maybe the ceremony should be held whilst bungee-jumping? There are, naturally, still some very “conservative” weddings, with the white dress, the cake-cutting, the father-of-the-bride speech etc. I have no objections to either. What is important is to ask yourself: this thing that we are about to have/not have at our wedding, is it because WE want it or because a) we don’t want to follow tradition or b) we haven’t even thought about it simply being a tradition because everyone does it? There are some I’ve chosen to stick with: the cake, “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue”, bridal bouquet, brides-maid… but my dress will be champagne, my father won’t walk me down the aisle and our best man is a wonderful woman… but the title is still Best Man, so don’t you go trying to change that around now! 😉 Just consider that a wedding can be exactly the way you want it. Don’t let yourselves be governed by traditions, or the fear of them.

 

One last, tiny piece of advice… don’t panic. Douglas Adams said it right. My husband-to-be has tried to help me in this regard. When I start hyperventilating about the things that may go wrong, everything that will have to be done last minute and all the expenses, he does his best to calm me down. I can’t say I don’t panic occasionally anyway… but it certainly doesn’t help one bit. Here’s a friendly reminder, printed on our custom-made wedding-invitations:

20130719_015733

I don’t know if these words will help any desperate brides or grooms out there. It has given me a nice little venting-space, however, and something to type while the pasta-sauce is simmering to delicious, tomatoey thickness. I’m going to go boil some fusilli now. OK. Bye.

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Something old, something new…

The New Year is coming along at rapid speed. This past week or so has, as I mentioned in my previous post, been a very busy one. We had my room-mate’s parents over on the 22nd, I went to my oldest brother’s fiancée’s parents for the 24th and then my grandmother’s just yesterday. It has been a time of little more than cooking, knitting, eating, talking and charades for me, and though I am sad to see it over, I rejoice at the calm and quiet of an empty flat, the only noises the fans from my over-grown laptop and the complaining mews from Saga, the female one of my cats, as she tries to whine her way into my bedroom on her never-ending quest to destroy everything I own.

Lots of people feel the need to make New Year’s resolutions. If you are such a person, here’s the blog-post for you, written by another blogger who seems to have it more or less down to the essentials. I however, feel no need to make a resolution at 12 am on the 1st of January. I’m the sort of person who makes resolutions when the need comes up, and then rarely keep them, especially if it’s just a promise to myself that concerns no-one but me. And sure it is a nice tradition, and it might be what some people need to get them motivated, but then you can get motivated by anything and champagne and the kiss at midnight are nice traditions too, but a hug and some alcohol-free alternative works.

To me, the curious thing about New Year’s is the date we celebrate on. It’s not midwinter, which would have made sense, since the light starts returning on that very day, nor is it the spring equinox, which would have made sense because it’s the beginning of spring itself, and a time when the night and the day are just as long, and what better season to celebrate the start of the year than spring, when everything is coming back to life and bursting into bloom? Also, New Year’s is right on top of Christmas, and do we really need two celebrations right on top of each other like that?

But that is how we work. We’ve ordered our society after dates that we can count instead of seasons as they change, and right now, that might be just as well, since the global warming is slowly blurring the edges between the seasons, so who knows if we’ll have winter or fall in 10, 20 years from now? Maybe the only way to keep track of the seasons will be by the calendar and the length of the day. Maybe the giving time, and abstract concept, as much importance as we do, is of importance in itself. We have created the system and now our actions is making it a crucial necessity. Just as with birthdays, New Year is a birthday of time itself, and though there is no telling how old time is by any other measure, we celebrate the amount of time it’s been measured by us.

But just as with years, the age of humans has little to do with numbers, and everything to do with experience and development. I’m sure we’ve all met someone who appears to be beyond their years, or as in the case of a certain family member of mine, several years below hers. So the time that has passed in our lives has next to nothing to do with who we are or who we become, only our actions and what we have seen and lived can shape who we are. So forget about your years, or the age of time itself, and focus on what is happening in the world right now, in this age that we live and in our own lives. With this post I wish you all a happy New Year – though I have little faith in such measurement -, and leave you with the words of an old wizard from a well-known book and better known movie still; “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

Overindulgence

Is that a real word? Hmmm. I think so. Overindulgence. Yup, spell-check doesn’t say no. Ok. So that’s what this post is about. Randomly.

 

Addiction for instance. I find the one leads to the other. You have to, at some point or some level, be addicted to something in order to then overindulge in it. Or just be really good at it, and get carried away, and overindulge. It’s like when you catch a whiff of something amazing so you keep sniffing until you get sick from it. Overindulging in a scent. Or get a feeling and just keep feeling it because it’s so good, until you get exhausted. So I don’t think overindulgence is only food and drink and drugs and such, I think it can exist on many planes. Even freedom or a hot bath can be good causes for such behaviour, and can lead to the dangerous effects of overindulgence.

Because whenever I get too much of something good I find that I either get; a hangover, a sore throat, a way bloated and stuffed feeling, pain all over, exhaustion etc. So when they say you can never get too much of a good thing, they’re lying, and don’t listen to them. Whoever they are.

Things I have overindulged in of late;

  • Alcohol (and mixing the drinks too, which is so much worse)
  • Smoking
  • Not eating
  • Love
  • Guilt
  • Sun
  • Thoughts
  • Flowers
  • Lack of sleep
  • Killing time
  • Worrying
  • Reading
  • Blogs

Wait a second blogs isn’t a word? How about blog’s? Blogs’? Bloggs? WTF! I’m doing something that doesn’t exist! That is so awesome! Like levitating or being invisible or something!

Anyways, overindulging can be depriving yourself of things too, (like eating or sleep) because then you are overindulging  in the lack of something. If that makes any sense at all.

Things I would like to be overindulging in right now;

  • Relaxation
  • Alone-time
  • Roller coasters
  • Fireworks
  • Italian food
  • Stars
  • Cleaning
  • Sleep

 

I have this crazy tendency to only be able to exist on one end of the spectrum at the one time. Either I have a lot of something or nothing at all. I like extremes, and I do not enjoy staying in the middle of the road. Though sometimes extremes can be really unhealthy. But I don’t care because we only live once.

I apologize for how weird this post looks and how random and ranty and irate it is. And short, too. Now what do you like to overindulge in/what are you currently overindulging in in your life?

Ranting II

It’s 11:30am yet I want to go right back to bed and never get up again. I am pretty darn hung over, my feet feel very dry and I have a beautiful scar on my elbow from last night. Among many things of late I have;

  1. Been working a lot. A little over 40 hours every week. I’ve been working so much that the other day I was an hour late for work, not because I slept in but because my boss once again changed the schedule without telling me and so I found myself running only to get there and discover that it was dead. Ironically this was the first hot and sunny day in forever, and I don’t have any sunglasses since they were stepped on. Running to work. Yay. To top it all off this little girl turned to the man walking at her side and asked, loudly enough for me to hear as I was frantically trying to reach the stop-light in time to cross; “Why is she running daddy?” I didn’t hear his reply. Oh wait, this happened yesterday, which leads me to…
  2. Losing track of time. I constantly keep forgetting what the date is, what the weekday is, how long ago I did something/anything, things that happened the other day seem months away and things that happened years ago start drifting back up to the surface. This is something I’ve been doing more of late than I used to, possibly because I’ve been sleeping a lot less than I’ve been working. But I didn’t lose track of time when I…
  3. Stood in a Sobeys lineup for about 40 minutes at 11 last night. (For English friend, Sobeys is like Tesco. And then there’s another place here called Dominion which is like Sainsburys. Yes, I have lived in the U.K). Because I’m going to one or possibly two BBQ’s today and so I of course wanted to get some food, which I wouldn’t be able to today because it’s Canada-day so everything will be closed, which is also why the lineups were so huge. The worst part was when I was the next person in line to get served at the check-out (finally! oh joy!) and the cashier put up the “Another check-out is ready to serve you sign” upon which I with a broken spirit turned around and slowly made my way to the back of another, much longer lineup, only to find that the original lineup was indeed going to serve everyone in line and the cashier just failed to inform me of that. Of course no-one thought to go “hey, you girl who was in front of line. you nice. you go back to your place and get home sooner. we nice”. At which point I…
  4. Cried. A little, and in secret, but still, I was pathetically crying in a Sobeys lineup at about 11:15 last night. I have been crying quite a lot of late, I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional about everything, but I would like to blame it on my lack of sleep and my life gradually turning upside down. Sometimes a good cry just clears your system and your head. Which is why I did a bit of self-inflicted crying by watching “P.S I love you” about 2 weeks ago. I didn’t cry as much as I did the first time around but still, it was decent. Also I’m pretty sure I didn’t cry when I fell down and hit my elbow last night. I don’t really remember but I’m pretty pain-resistant so I probably just said something foul and got on with it. With the crying comes other things like…
  5. Figuring things out. In fact, to the point where I made a list. Once again with the wonderful support and consideration – not to mention pen to paper action – of my friend Sarah, magic happened. Here‘s a link to a post where she took a picture of me holding this list. I am hoping to complete as much of it as possible before I leave. Oh and speaking of this, another thing I’ve done a lot of late is…
  6. Hanging with wonderful people. The above mentioned lovely lady, and my friend french Phil, and my room-mate and sausage-friend Molly – both of whom I went to see X-men with, only I went to see it for the second time, but it was just as awesome as the first. And I think you would all like it if you went to see it. Just saying – and just a bunch of awesome people. Friends make life better, always. Well maybe not always always but most of the time 🙂 I’m sure right now friends would even make this splitting headache better! But instead I’m just going to go back to bed. And sleep for like, forever. And then get up and make potato-salad. In that order. Ok, I’ll see you with potato-salad after forever.