Special Edition

I think we all know why this is a special edition. Because I haven’t written a blogpost in ages. And I feel horribly guilty about it. I know I know, life gets busy sometimes and that’s a great excuse, but when your blog is only words and ranting it’s not that much of a bloody effort to sit down for a half hour every once in a while and post something remotely interesting. But to make up for this cold-hearted lack of posts for the past two weeks almost, I shall write about a TON of stuff in this post. BE WARNED!!!!!

Why Life got Terribly Busy all of a Sudden

First off, I have no good explanation for why I capitalized that title so randomly. It just looked right. Anyway, for those of ye who do not knowe, I started studying three courses at high-school level the 8th of this month. I am doing this to make up for grades that I don’t have because I was home-schooled and I only have an American high-school diploma and not a Swedish one so there are certain things I need to complement my studies with in order to get into the university here. So I’m taking English B (which is like second degree English for high-school students), Swedish A (which is first degree Swedish for high-school students, you are getting this!) and International Relations (which most high-school students don’t take because that would be like an elective or something). On top of all these studies (of which Swedish and International Relations are both proving tricky and head-ache inspiring) I now also have a job. This is how that happened;

I went to Fotografiska (which is like a huge art-gallery for photographic art in Stockholm) with Daniel, Jessica, Tilda and one of Daniel and Jessica’s friends. On the way to meeting up with us at the subway Jessica noticed a sign in the window of this quaint sushi-place, announcing that they needed new staff-members immediately and to apply inside. It just so happened that I needed a job, and Jessica insisted I should apply there, to which I agreed heartily. The thing was, after the Fotografiska – which was really awesome, and if you come to Stockholm to visit and there’s a good exhibition on at the time we are so going! –  we met up with some more friends and went for a few beers at a nice pub a short walk away. Now, I hadn’t really eaten much that day. “Not much” means like one fruit and a small bowl of yoghurt. So understandably, drinking at the pace I do and the beer being 8%, I was mildly tipsy after two of them. So when we had happily waved good-bye – the “us” and “we” in this story being mostly me and Tilda – and I had promised Jessica I’d go apply for that job right away, I turned to Tilda. “I’m kinda tipsy. I don’t think it’s the best idea that I apply for a job in this state” I admitted sheepishly. “One really can’t notice that you are tipsy” Tilda responded, and this reassured I went on my merry way into the sushi-place and onto greater things. Greeting me was a short blonde girl, very Swedish-looking in appearance. “What can I do for you?”  she asked in a sloppy, disinterested manner. “I saw that you were looking to hire people” I reply, all of a sudden more humble and unsure of myself. “Wait a second, I’ll get brmrgl”. No, she didn’t say that, but I couldn’t catch the name. So out comes brmrgl, this short, adorable looking Japanese girl, who after taking my name and phone-number – and I ask her to write down her name, which is Mafune, not brmrgl –  instantly calls her boss and starts up a brief, lightning-fast conversation with him in Japanese. It was all “Hai! Hai! Hai! Wakarimasta!” and then she turns around and asks if I can start the following day. I said yes. I skip and jump for joy all the way home. Poor tired Tilda cannot create enough excitement to join in my celebration.

Now I’ve been working two shifts there and tomorrow is my third. It’s inconsistent there, slow for hours, fast-paced during some. The waitresses are nice but mostly bland and just talk crap about everything. One of them seems a little racist. I don’t like that. But well, because of this job and the courses I’m taking on top of just having moved into this place, life has gotten more busy than it used to be.

How to remove a spider from your home without hurting it;

You will need;

  1. something thin and stiff, like cardboard ripped from a milk-carton or cereal.
  2. a glass or jar, fairly big, just in case the spider is big, so you don’t squish any legs.
  3. a small amount of guts, in case the spider gets out.
  4. fairly quick reflexes to undertake the action required.
  5. preferably someone to open doors for you (this is optional).

What to do; first, notice the spider. The spider will have to be of a fairly considerable size for you to a) notice it and b) get so uncomfortable that you do not want it in your house. Then, if you do not have the required objects at hand, gather them quickly while keeping on eye on the above mentioned spider’s position. If you are not very brave and have a very strong dislike for spiders but hate hurting things, you might want to be standing on an elevated surface and carefully direct a friend or family-member as to how the disposal of the spider should proceed in a high-pitched and panicked tone of voice. Should it still be you carrying out this task, quickly place the glass upside down over the spider. It is now trapped but unharmed. (Unless you managed to put the rim of the glass down on the spider’s legs or body, in which case you did not have the reflexes necessary for carrying out this task. Proceed to page 124, “How to bury a spider that you killed accidentally while trying to save it”). If the spider however is still unharmed at this stage, carefully slip the piece of thin cardboard or other flat and hard paraphernalia under the glass. It should now look something like this;

The only thing remaining to do is to gingerly but swiftly move the entire spider-cage to a location outdoors and at a safe distance from your house. Then hastily remove the glass and retreat. (If the spider has clung to the glass you might just want to tip the glass over and then run). Once you can be sure that the spider is nowhere near the vicinity of the glass or carton-scrap, bring them inside and keep them in a safe and accessible place for your next spider-rescue mission.7

How not to take care of an ant-problem in the bathroom;

You will need;

  1. hour of day later than 10pm, preferably just as you get home and you are really tired
  2. bathroom-floor
  3. large pot with large plant that we can assume houses ant-hill
  4. wet dishcloth

What to do; first, enter your apartment. This will have to be at a late hour so that you are sure to be exhausted and ready to just fall into bed. Turn on the bathroom-light. Discover between 20-30 ants scattered over bathroom-floor, sometimes trickling out into hallway and further into kitchen. Curse loudly, in several languages if possible. Grab cloth from under bathroom-zink. Wet under tap in bathroom-zink. Apply the cloth to any ant that you are able to spot. The ant should now a) get stuck in the cloth and/or b) get squished by the cloth. Continually dab your way across the floors and lower walls, rinsing the cloth as it gets too full of ants and then continuing this process until no more ants can be spotted. Do not consider removing the plant from within the bathroom to an outdoor area where the ants will not be such a bother to you. Grumble about this and then go to bed to repeat this episode later when you get up to pee. Repeat 1-2 times as necessary during night.

Special Notes for Certain Readers

Sarahsmmmm; I am very sorry that I didn’t make you a guest-post. I have an honest and really stupid explanation. When I got your e-mail, I only read it down to where you signed it with your name. About a week later I wondered why you hadn’t invited me to write a guest-post. A few days later yet I went back to read your e-mail in an attempt to answer it, upon which I noticed the detailed instructions on how to help contribute with a guest-post to your blog, right after your name was signed in the e-mail. Yes, I felt like the embodiment of the r-word. But I love you. So in order to somehow make up for this, I am encouraging all other readers to click on this link and go read Sarah’s blog. She inspired me to do something like this. She is really f-ing awesome at blogging and will probably make you want to blog more, unless you already blog more, in which case she’ll make you want to blog the most. Srsly. Go read it.

Patches; I don’t know if you got my post-card yet but I hope you did. I’m sorry I didn’t send one earlier, and that I’ve been horrible at keeping in touch. I’m sorry that I haven’t checked your blog of late. Please send me a link so I can find it again because remember when we tried to google your blog and didn’t find it? Yeah. That’s right. Also, please say hi to my sausage-friend. I know what that looks like to some people, but I will let their minds remain in the gutter. *hugs*!!!!

Sierra-bean; I’m sorry I didn’t read your blog before you pointed out its existence the other day. In fact, I thought your only blog was the poetry-blog, I hadn’t noticed that you had a personal blog all of your own. I’ve read two posts so far now. I’m also sorry that I haven’t replied to your facebook-message yet. But I will, maybe this weekend. And I hope to get something in the mail soon, it isn’t here yet 🙂 *love*!

English-friend; I haven’t heard about your life in a while. How do the aliens fare? How’s Richard? And the little ones? I haven’t read your very latest post yet (I don’t think) because I like having some time on my hands to read them to make sure I can comment on anything of interest to me. Also, I don’t think there are Japanese vampires. Especially not ones that would use garlic as a decorative touch in their restaurant. So I think I’m fairly safe, for now, unless there are other super-natural beings there.

Everyone else; (Like Jessica, Tilda and any other awesome people who actually take the time to read my blog every once in a while) thank you. It makes me happy to know that someone reads this and thinks it’s sort of good 🙂

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Lists

First off, I would like to apologize for my current lack of blogging. There has just been – and still is – a lot going on in my little world, and so the time and energy to blog has remained un-present. I have a lot of things ahead of me, such as packing up 3 years of my life, giving away as much of it as possible and throwing out the rest. This morning I woke up at 8:30 when the door slammed. In a panic I scrambled for my phone “what time is it, did I oversleep?” and realised I don’t have to work today. Or tomorrow. Or the next. Yesterday was the last day at both of my jobs. I’m leaving in 5 days.

Sight of the Week; Half-buff guy with bit of manboob bouncing down the road in sneakers and a pair of spacious checkered blue boxers. It was painful yet magnificent to behold.

Quote of the Week; Sarah – “I would not eat or sleep, I would just f*** him. I would make a whole in my bladder so I wouldn’t have to get up to pee but just keep f****** him”. Said about Alexander Skarsgård.

Now for what this post is actually about. Lists. In all shapes sizes and colours and what they’re good for and what they are not good for and why we have them.

Organising

I’m a sucker for organising with a list. I remember even as a kid, I’d have the chores down on a list so I could tick them off as they got done and feel the sense of accomplishment. (Mind you, for most kids that list would be “clean your room, feed the dog and stay out of trouble”. Mine was a little more extensive, like “feed all the animals, vacuum the entire house, then dust it and mop it, weed the garden, mow the lawn etc”. Yeah, you need a list for that kind of stuff!). It’s just something very relaxing to know that as long as you follow the guidelines on this list, everything that needs to be done will get done, and you will not be required to use brainpower to accomplish anything (unless the list includes solving algorithms, in which case you are screwed, unless you know how to. I’m not even really sure what an algorithm is). Especially for grocery-shopping, 95% of the time there will be a list there, because usually I know the store well, and then the items can be listed in the order they will appear on my trajectory through the store, maximizing efficiency and time-saving. (Go using big words for grocery-shopping!) My most favourite list right now is linked here, because those are the things I would like to get done before I leave – that means within the next 5 days, so I don’t know if this is all going to happen. For anyone that is curious I have accomplished to do nr. 3, 5, 6, 7, 9 and 10.

In Your Head

You may not be aware of it, but you have millions of lists in your head. Not only the normal kind where you categorise animals and food-dishes and scents, but personal ones that are different from anyone else’s. Likes and dislikes, top 10 memories, things that you are good at/suck at, how much you like certain people and in what way, what you are looking for and not looking for in a spouse… those lists are truly endless. Oh and hold on. You might not want to admit that you have lists about other people, but I would like to bet that you do. If you are telling me that you don’t analyse your feelings for others or play favourites then you are either bs-ing me or really lucky to have a mind that can work without differentiating. Personally, I have so many internal lists. List of “things I totally should not have done but did anyway and now I’m going to pick on that soul-scab for the rest of my life”. List of “really wonderful moments in my life where I felt so good it was unreal”. List of “people I will always love and trust and enjoy being around no matter what”. That last list is kind of short. I’m not going to write that one down for you here because some people might get offended by not being on that list. I love a lot of people but also trusting and enjoying being around these people at all times no matter what, that is a difficult list to get on.

Temporary

These lists occur most often to me. They are tiny to-do lists, stored away in my phone or brain, that require doing rather immediately. They can be actions, things, people, whatever. It’s pretty much a little agenda for the day. For instance, mine today looks something like this;

  1. Find out if Swedish banks accept Canadian checks
  2. Go back to bed
  3. Get up and have a shower
  4. Deposit my last pay-check from Booster Juice
  5. Clean the house
  6. Test-pack my backpack to find out if everything I want with me is going to fit
  7. Continue reading the last of “Dune” so that is done before I leave
  8. Have at something fun with other people

So now I’m going to go do all those things, because I’m really tired but I want to know if I can deposit pay-checks into my Swedish account so first things first. Before I leave you, what in your life do you make lists about? What do your lists look like? Do you also find you have those secret mental lists concerning other people?

Ranting II

It’s 11:30am yet I want to go right back to bed and never get up again. I am pretty darn hung over, my feet feel very dry and I have a beautiful scar on my elbow from last night. Among many things of late I have;

  1. Been working a lot. A little over 40 hours every week. I’ve been working so much that the other day I was an hour late for work, not because I slept in but because my boss once again changed the schedule without telling me and so I found myself running only to get there and discover that it was dead. Ironically this was the first hot and sunny day in forever, and I don’t have any sunglasses since they were stepped on. Running to work. Yay. To top it all off this little girl turned to the man walking at her side and asked, loudly enough for me to hear as I was frantically trying to reach the stop-light in time to cross; “Why is she running daddy?” I didn’t hear his reply. Oh wait, this happened yesterday, which leads me to…
  2. Losing track of time. I constantly keep forgetting what the date is, what the weekday is, how long ago I did something/anything, things that happened the other day seem months away and things that happened years ago start drifting back up to the surface. This is something I’ve been doing more of late than I used to, possibly because I’ve been sleeping a lot less than I’ve been working. But I didn’t lose track of time when I…
  3. Stood in a Sobeys lineup for about 40 minutes at 11 last night. (For English friend, Sobeys is like Tesco. And then there’s another place here called Dominion which is like Sainsburys. Yes, I have lived in the U.K). Because I’m going to one or possibly two BBQ’s today and so I of course wanted to get some food, which I wouldn’t be able to today because it’s Canada-day so everything will be closed, which is also why the lineups were so huge. The worst part was when I was the next person in line to get served at the check-out (finally! oh joy!) and the cashier put up the “Another check-out is ready to serve you sign” upon which I with a broken spirit turned around and slowly made my way to the back of another, much longer lineup, only to find that the original lineup was indeed going to serve everyone in line and the cashier just failed to inform me of that. Of course no-one thought to go “hey, you girl who was in front of line. you nice. you go back to your place and get home sooner. we nice”. At which point I…
  4. Cried. A little, and in secret, but still, I was pathetically crying in a Sobeys lineup at about 11:15 last night. I have been crying quite a lot of late, I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional about everything, but I would like to blame it on my lack of sleep and my life gradually turning upside down. Sometimes a good cry just clears your system and your head. Which is why I did a bit of self-inflicted crying by watching “P.S I love you” about 2 weeks ago. I didn’t cry as much as I did the first time around but still, it was decent. Also I’m pretty sure I didn’t cry when I fell down and hit my elbow last night. I don’t really remember but I’m pretty pain-resistant so I probably just said something foul and got on with it. With the crying comes other things like…
  5. Figuring things out. In fact, to the point where I made a list. Once again with the wonderful support and consideration – not to mention pen to paper action – of my friend Sarah, magic happened. Here‘s a link to a post where she took a picture of me holding this list. I am hoping to complete as much of it as possible before I leave. Oh and speaking of this, another thing I’ve done a lot of late is…
  6. Hanging with wonderful people. The above mentioned lovely lady, and my friend french Phil, and my room-mate and sausage-friend Molly – both of whom I went to see X-men with, only I went to see it for the second time, but it was just as awesome as the first. And I think you would all like it if you went to see it. Just saying – and just a bunch of awesome people. Friends make life better, always. Well maybe not always always but most of the time 🙂 I’m sure right now friends would even make this splitting headache better! But instead I’m just going to go back to bed. And sleep for like, forever. And then get up and make potato-salad. In that order. Ok, I’ll see you with potato-salad after forever.